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Thursday, June 9, 2011

Nonline dating continues

I find the whole idea of online dating websites to be very disconcerting.  They're like man catalogs.  And not very good ones at that.  Every time I sign in I feel like I'm going man shopping at a store that is sold out of men.  It's like a who's who of human crap.  So why bother, you ask?  Because it's funny, that's why.  I never respond to any of the freaks, weirdos and idiots from whom I receive emails.  Instead, I make fun of them on Facebook.  What can I say, I like to be polite and talk about them behind their backs.


Dear guy on match who emailed me, I appreciate that you like long walks on the beach and one on one picnics, but you listed Toronto, Canada as a place you’ve been in the U.S.  And you don’t eat meat.  And you don’t drink.  I don’t think it’s gonna work out.

Dear guy on match who emailed me, when you said “your very cute” it made me want to ask “my very cute what?”  Learn the proper use of "your" and "you’re" and maybe I’ll email you back. 

Dear guy on match who winked at me, is wanting to date you because you’re a doctor more or less shallow than NOT wanting to date you because of that shirt you’re wearing?

Dear guy on match who winked at me, learn to proofread.  And may I suggest the use of commas(,) and the word “a”.  Also, you’re about five years too young.  But thanks.  

Email from a guy on POF: “I am looking for a friend with benefits I am looking to gain sum exp in the bed room I have had sex before but very little but for the lil exp I have I have been told that I do give great oral.  Would you be interested on being my sex teacher?”  I am, for the first time, speechless.  Have fun with that one, friends.

Dear guy on POF, while I’m impressed that you are a “Gaelic Knight”, at 54 you’re just a little bit too old for me.  Darn, we could’ve had something.
 
Dear guy on POF, we have so much in common.  I “like to do stuff that is very budget friends” and “im a outgoing not afraid to break the water in an awkward situation” and it would be fun to “maby just go to a park and look at the stars and just star gaze and maby get a little romantic under the stars and just chat about random stuff that would make us both laugh our hearts away.”  Unfortunately, you’re 18.

This is what a guy on POF said he would do on a first date.  Ready?  Here it is:  “I would make u Laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And then drop my pants and make u drool!!!!”  Sounds classy.  It’s a shocker he’s still single.


And there' s more where those came from...


2 comments:

  1. Wow POF beginner sex guy, I thought I was bad with run-on sentences but wow...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, Men are not the only ones with horrible introductions and social interaction skills. My top 3:

    1. Hi! Nice tats! Wanna hook up? I'm a tato artist and could give you some free work!

    2. Yur cute. Kewl eyes.

    3. Every single woman that replies to my initial introduction with a "Hello". Seriously? I just spent 20 minutes writing you a well thought out introduction/message taking into account everything you mentioned in your profile and you respond with a, "Hello"?

    ReplyDelete