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Saturday, November 17, 2012

Share and share alike

Last night, girls night, we went to a bar called Dan's in Walnut Creek.  (I call this place The Scene of The Crime, but that's a story for another day.)  We managed to secure ourselves a table so we'd have somewhere to sit when we needed a break from dancing.  During one such break, a stumbly drunk red headed dude approached our table.  He introduced himself, asked our names and shook our hands.  His girlfriend was standing a few feet away and struck up a conversation with me.

Girlfriend:  Sorry.  He's so drunk!
Me:  Oh, no worries.
Girlfriend:  Hey, your hair is amazing!  It's red, right?  Sorry, it's dark in here.
Me:  Yes, it is, thank you!
Girlfriend:  He's (referring to her boyfriend, the stumbly drunk) the first ginger I've ever had.  We've been together 2 1/2 years.  We LOVE redheads!
Me (inner monologue on account of the speechlessness): Wait, what?
Me (out loud):  It's self inflicted, I dye it.
Girlfriend:  It's beautiful!
Me:  Thanks.
Girlfriend:  I don't want to sound weird, but you have a great rack!
Me: Oh, uh, haha, thanks, that's just Victoria's Secret!
Girlfriend:  Hey, me too!

At this point she says something to her ginger boyfriend and he introduces himself to me - again -  and shakes my hand - again.  I say, "We already met!"  He just stares at me blankly, still shaking my hand.  And I'm pretty sure the girlfriend is playing with my hair.  Yep, she's playing with my hair!  And he just smelled my hair!  I do my best to ignore all of that and with my free hand, pull my caged hand out of the ginger's and swap it with the girlfriend's free hand.  So now they're holding hands and she has stopped playing with my hair.  Then they leave.

I turn to my friends who all say some version of, "What the hell was that?!"  I relay the conversation I had with the girlfriend and say, "Um, I think they wanted to have sex with me!"  They never actually asked, but I'm thinking when I took my hand away and put their two hands together, instead of, I don't know, wrapping their hands around mine threesome style, it must have been the international sign for, "No, I do not want to have sex with you, couple."

Take note.  It could happen to you.