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Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Heebie Jeebies

As a married person I would sometimes get hit on.  I would politely decline and walk away patting myself on the back and thinking to myself, "Yep, I still got it!"  As a divorced/single person, when I get hit on I think to myself, "What's your game plan, buddy?"  Then I politely decline and walk away with an extra layer of you-don't-fool-me armor.  Not be confused with don't-get-hurt armor.  There's also I-won't-settle armor that I developed after being told on several occasions that I should lower my standards.

In your twenties people tell you, "You deserve the best!  Never settle!  The right man is out there!"  In your thirties people say stuff like, "Don't you think you should lower your standards?  It's only going to get harder as you get older.  You shouldn't be so picky!"  Translation: "You don't need a man you find smart and attractive who treats you well, you just need a man."  Excuse me for having higher standards for myself than MALE and SINGLE.  Like I'm not worth more than that?  And let's be clear, wanting a man and needing a man are two very different things.  I do want a man in my life, but thanks to modern science and technology, I can buy what I need from a man at the local naughty store.

I think if these jerks who want me to lower my standards were ever approached by the kind of men approaching me, they would change their tune.  Like when some Creep looks at me like in his head I'm naked.  One guy looked at me like my nakedness scared him a little, and I wasn't even naked in real life!  Or the Creepy-Smooth guy who walks up to me like the song we're going to "make love" to later is already playing in his head.  One step further, the Eye Rape guy.  He usually has a sinister grin, too.  Kinda makes you want to call the police and report a crime of imagination.  Then there's the Creepy-Compliment guy that has the ability to make your skin crawl just by saying, "I think you're a very beautiful woman."  Bleh, I've never felt so violated in my life.

So, jerks, I won't settle.  Because I know my worth and because I don't want to have the heebie jeebies for the rest of my life.

1 comment:

  1. Holy crap. I am now seriously concerned about what "kind of guy" I am... I've been out of the dating game for a while. God help me if I'm "Eye rape" guy...