(On dressing up to see Les Miserables)
How come I'm thinner than I was when I bought this dress, yet it feels tighter than it used to around my waist? Oh, right, because I'm bloated. Stupid fiber!
(On my private dance lesson)
We're doing cha cha today? I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm rockin' a major fiber baby right now and I can't be responsible for what might come out if I shake it too much. Damn fiber!
This morning I weighed myself. Then, an hour and a half later, I pooped and weighed myself again. I pooped a pound!* A whole pound! And yet, I'm so bloated that if I was in a plane and we had to prepare for an emergency water landing, I could use myself as the floatation device. I'm a bloatation device! F*ck you, fiber!
10 down, 18 to go!
*I'm such a delicate flower. It's weird I'm still single.