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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Dumb Detox, Days 8-10

Day 8:
(On dressing up to see Les Miserables) 
How come I'm thinner than I was when I bought this dress, yet it feels tighter than it used to around my waist?  Oh, right, because I'm bloated.  Stupid fiber!

Day 9:
(On my private dance lesson)
We're doing cha cha today?  I don't know if that's a good idea.  I'm rockin' a major fiber baby right now and I can't be responsible for what might come out if I shake it too much.  Damn fiber!

Day 10:
(On existing)
This morning I weighed myself.  Then, an hour and a half later, I pooped and weighed myself again.  I pooped a pound!*  A whole pound!  And yet, I'm so bloated that if I was in a plane and we had to prepare for an emergency water landing, I could use myself as the floatation device.  I'm a bloatation device!  F*ck you, fiber!

10 down, 18 to go!

*I'm such a delicate flower.  It's weird I'm still single.

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