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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Dumb Detox, Days 11-13

This string of texts is what happens when you go an entire week eating only fruits, vegetables and rice:

Me:  Dude, yesterday was painful.  I think my rice went bad.  It had a weird sour taste.  And my roasted vegetables turned out nasty.  I tried just Italian seasoning like you did, but instead of tasting delicious like yours it tasted like dirt and sticks were sprinkled on my veggies.  I clearly didn't drown them in enough oil so when I go home I sauteed them with garlic.  They only got a little better, not a lot.  Sad face.  I need meat!  Both kinds, if ya know what I mean.  This full body detox is really putting a damper on my slutty urges.

Sister:  haha, that is awesome!  I mean it's not but it is.  I made more dumb vegetables last night but I also made some dumb broccoli so at least I'll have a different dumb flavor in my dumb mouth!

Me:  hahahaha!  I had already added dumb broccoli to my dumb vegetables.  I jumped the dumb gun!

Me:  P.S.  I did not enjoy my turnip.  I don't know if I picked a bad one or cut it wrong or maybe it was parsnip I liked last time because my turnip tastes like sour ass.  How's yours?

Sister:  I'm worried about the turnip.  I didn't like the way it smelled when I cut it yesterday...I'm nervous about it.  I'll let you know in a bit when I eat it.

Me:  It's interesting.  I am extremely hungry right now, my stomach was growling a moment ago, but as soon as I start to fork up some salad I become painfully full.  I'm beginning to think vegetables are  the devil.  Maybe I need to start drinking my veggies like the guy in that documentary.
       Yep.  Just took a bite and it activated my gag reflex.  Wretched micro-nutrient rich foods!

Sister (regarding turnip):  It tastes like butt cauliflower to me.

Me:  Butt cauliflower?  As opposed to foot cauliflower?  Or fart cauliflower?

Sister:  haha, as opposed to regular cauliflower.

Me:  Gross.  That's the worst kind!  haha

Yes, these are the kinds of conversations we have.  Sometimes it's like we're drunk, except neither of us has had a drop of alcohol in over 2 weeks.  

Tomorrow we get to add back things like rice crackers, rice pasta, rice cakes, oatmeal and other gluten free, bland starches/bread/cereals.  I'm pretty impressed that I made it through days 7-13 without getting fired from work/friends/family or life in general.

13 down, 15 to go!

2 comments:

  1. Correction: I fired you from life for knocking over the ENTIRE display of Burt's at Sprouts...ok so it was only 2 that fell but when you're on a dumb detox 2 chapsticks falling seems like the world is crashing down around you!

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  2. Hahaha, yep, everything does feel like it's crashing down around us...except the meat! Why isn't the meat crashing down so I can catch it in my mouth?!

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