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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Dumb Detox, Days 3-7

Days 3 through 6 whizzed by.  I pushed through the weekend like a rock star.  My Aunt and Uncle had a going away party and I brought my own food and a Nalgene full of water that I refilled about seven times throughout the evening.  I think I peed at least that many times. 

I made one of the soups from a recipe provided by The Almighty Detox (that's the name I made up for the imaginary soul behind this dumb detox) and brought it to work with me on Monday.  It was bland and disgusting and it kinda looked like vomit.  I had more to bring with me on Tuesday, but I fed it to my garbage disposal and brought rice cakes with almond butter instead - which was delicious aaaaand nutritious.

With the exception of feeling a kind of bloated I have never known before, and looking mildly pregnant due to said bloating, this dumb detox hasn't been so bad.

Today is day 7.  I think it can be best described through this series of text messages to my sister:

Just sent you an email with a recipe for gluten free rice crackers.  But they don't have rice in them.  Don't know why they're called rice crackers.  Anyway, how's day 7 going for you so far?  I made a giant batch of rice this morning.  And by giant, I mean I could probably feed China.  I think I might hate rice after this week.

Sister's response: Let's make them!  This weekend we can shop at Sprouts and make rice crackers from scratch!  Hey, I got a question...when did we turn into hippies?!

Seriously, we need to stop washing our hair, start rubbing crystal rocks on our pits and wear clothes made from hemp.

For lunch today I have a salad of lettuce, tomato, avocado, green beans and boring "healthy" salad dressing accompanied by rice with avocado.  So far, so good.  I can totally do this for 7 days.  Because I'm a rockstar.  And because I'm not creative enough to think of another meal using only vegetables, fruits and rice.  And because I'd rather be hungry than fat.

Dinner was a smoothie of dumb detox powder, strawberries, blueberries and banana, a plate of rice with avocado, and roasted vegetables...except I got full before I could eat the roasted vegetables.

My stomach hurts.  I'm hungry and full at the same time.  I hate rice, I hate vegetables and I hate, I hate, I HATE salad dressing!  6 more days of this?  I might scratch my face right off of my face.

7 down, 21 to go!

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