I made one of the soups from a recipe provided by The Almighty Detox (that's the name I made up for the imaginary soul behind this dumb detox) and brought it to work with me on Monday. It was bland and disgusting and it kinda looked like vomit. I had more to bring with me on Tuesday, but I fed it to my garbage disposal and brought rice cakes with almond butter instead - which was delicious aaaaand nutritious.
With the exception of feeling a kind of bloated I have never known before, and looking mildly pregnant due to said bloating, this dumb detox hasn't been so bad.
Today is day 7. I think it can be best described through this series of text messages to my sister:
Just sent you an email with a recipe for gluten free rice crackers. But they don't have rice in them. Don't know why they're called rice crackers. Anyway, how's day 7 going for you so far? I made a giant batch of rice this morning. And by giant, I mean I could probably feed China. I think I might hate rice after this week.
Sister's response: Let's make them! This weekend we can shop at Sprouts and make rice crackers from scratch! Hey, I got a question...when did we turn into hippies?!
Seriously, we need to stop washing our hair, start rubbing crystal rocks on our pits and wear clothes made from hemp.
For lunch today I have a salad of lettuce, tomato, avocado, green beans and boring "healthy" salad dressing accompanied by rice with avocado. So far, so good. I can totally do this for 7 days. Because I'm a rockstar. And because I'm not creative enough to think of another meal using only vegetables, fruits and rice. And because I'd rather be hungry than fat.
Dinner was a smoothie of dumb detox powder, strawberries, blueberries and banana, a plate of rice with avocado, and roasted vegetables...except I got full before I could eat the roasted vegetables.
My stomach hurts. I'm hungry and full at the same time. I hate rice, I hate vegetables and I hate, I hate, I HATE salad dressing! 6 more days of this? I might scratch my face right off of my face.
7 down, 21 to go!
7 down, 21 to go!