In the three and a half years that I have been single, I have learned that I am a strong, capable woman. And while I want a man, I don't need a man. I can take care of my own self.
I can pay my own bills (thank you automatic bill pay).
I can take out my own trash (albeit reluctantly and with a scowly face).
I can take my own car to shop when the maintenance required light goes on (even if it takes me a week...or two).
I can drive myself to the airport (that is, if my flight is unreasonably too early for a family member to take me).
I can program my own thermostat (thanks for teaching me how, mom).
I can put up my own Christmas lights (like the Jew ever helped me with that anyway).
I can give myself my own orgasm (thank you creator of the vibrator).
I can even take a shower at night (I still only do that in emergency situations, though. I've seen enough horror movies to know it's extremely dangerous for a woman to take a shower at night when she's alone in the house).
But for the life of me, I cannot kill the damn spider that is crawling across my ceiling. He's small but he's thick and black as night. (Um, can I get a that's what she said?) Looking at him makes me want to vomit. I'm afraid he's going to crawl into my ear while I sleep and lay eggs in my brain. (Again with the horror movies.) He's just wandering around my ceiling taunting me. He can smell fear.
So, I guess I do need a man. Not to hook up my TV to my DVR, DVD player and Wii or assemble a some assembly required (which turned out to be ALL assembly required) wooden filing cabinet or set up my printer, but to kill. this. spider. Any takers?