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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

This year in Nonline Dating: Third Quarter

I was filling out a questionnaire for a new online dating website and up came, "I am very sensitive to people's feelings and needs."  My options are strongly disagree, disagree, agree, and strongly agree.  Strangely, there was no option for, "Agree, unless their feelings and needs are stupid."  Because that was the first thing that came to my mind.  Does that mean I should've picked agree?  Perhaps I shouldn't be online dating.  But then I wouldn't have these stories.

Here's what July, August and September brought:

Dear (user name): You think a good first date is kayaking in Sausalito?  Do you also think it's a good idea to hit me over the head with your paddle and dump my body in the bay?  Yeah, that's what I thought.

Dear (user name): You said to ask you anything.  I have two questions.  One, do you know what a comma is?  And two, have you ever heard of a run-on sentence?

Dear (user name): I think you meant to say "in other words," not "another words."

Dear (user name): Do you like to go to the gym?  It wasn't clear because you only  mentioned it five times in your profile.  Maybe a sixth time would really hammer it in properly that you are obsessed (or at least want people to think you're obsessed) with the gym.

This one guy said on his profile that ladies should message him if they have an LA face and an Oakland booty.  I totally do, so I considered responding to his email.  In the end, I didn't.  Nor did I respond to these emails:

"Hey my names Mike and I thought you were really sexy, well get back at me if you like what you see, i'm 6'6 btw too ;)"  (This guy was 22, clearly all about appearances and possibly making a penis reference.)

"Hey still keep up with a 21 year old?? lol"  (What is it with these kids?  Is that a dare?)

"How what you?  My name is Juan."  (I'm still not sure how to answer that question.)

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