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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Another batch of Nonline Dating

I don't get you, guys.  What are you thinking?  Cheesy emails, obnoxious profiles and ridiculous user names.  It's like reading a menu where the food descriptions are designed to make me vomit.

User names like thicknlong4ubaby and hnglkdnky are not going to trick me into thinking you have a big penis.  In fact, just the opposite.  I am convinced you have a small penis and you're a jackass.

If you say something like, "monetary things don't define me," I can guess with 90% certainty that you are poor.  And most likely a slob.

The About Me section of a guy who emailed me: “I love all thing!  Love to run a lot!!  Love food to much!  Lol!  Oh well it is tasty,so what can you do!  Want to be a great person some day.  Hope it happens!  That would be great!  I like watching movies that don’t suck.  So not seeing to many movies lately!  Lol!” 

Dude, lay off the Redbull.

Another About Me section of a guy who emailed me:  “I enjoy a nice evening out for dinner or a show.  Maybe have drink and listen to a cool band or d.j. or just relaxn at home watchn a good movie on the sofa or bedroom.  Then later have some good erotic sex.  I also enjoy winerys.” 

Blah, blah, blah, dinner, movie...what was that part before winery?

Dear (lame user name), What is my secret?  How am I keeping myself so pretty?  Well, gosh, I don't know.  I laugh a lot at lines like that; maybe laughter is keeping me young.

Dear (another lame user name), Putting a "wink" after saying you like eating sushi is surprisingly less sexy than you might think.

It's overwhelming, guys.  I don't know what else to say, besides: STOP IT!

1 comment:

  1. I'm tempted to send you a link to my POF profile. I'm not sure if it's to get your approval, or if I just want the amusement of having you post about me in one of your blogs...