Follow by Email

Sunday, November 6, 2011

This year in Nonline Dating: Second Quarter

Shopping at the online man store is like going to a garage sale at the end of the day and all that's left are mismatched shoes and partial sets of chipped tableware. 

This is how April, May and June turned out:

Dear (user name): Writing a poem in your 'about me' section might make some women think you are creative and sensitive, but it makes me think you should be in the men seeking men category of the website. Just sayin'.

Dear (user name): it's okay to use commas. And spellcheck. And to proofread.

Dear (user name): That's so funny, I AM looking for a man who will tell me what time it is and put me in my place when I need it. Will you also smack me around when I run my mouth? P.S. I think you meant to say, "chivalry is not dead" not "shivery is not dead". Uh oh, does correcting your spelling count as a time when I need to be put in my place? What time is it? 

Dear (user name): Yes, I am every is all in me. Thanks for asking. And for finding a way to draw me in with Whitney Houston. And for having seven pictures of just your body parts and zero pictures where your face can actually be seen. And for having a picture of your hand slightly in your pants. That one was my favorite.

Dear (user name): It's not that you spelled "manerizims" and "sandwitch" wrong, or that you look like a serial killer. It's that you used the wrong "your" throughout your profile. And the serial killer thing.

My two favorite emails of the quarter:

"Your Sexy !
I Would love to give you a D!ck in a box :)
Are you a playful Girl?"

(Grr, if only he hadn't used the wrong "your"!)

"Ive just made love to your profile and am still considering calling the next day. I am truly enamored."

(It was actually kinda funny, and it was nice to know that something of mine is being made love to, but it still had that slight element of creepiness.)

No comments:

Post a Comment