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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

This year in Nonline Dating: First Quarter

Between Plenty of Fish and Ok Cupid, this is how January, February and March treated me:

The first date section of the profile of this guy who emailed me:  "Japanese tea garden on a rainy ass day is the best time to get to know some one your body is already attracted to so the next stage is to get our minds on the same page."

(And that was only part of it.  Also, his email message to me was "ur fine."  If he had said, "yo fine" I probably would've responded.)

Dear (user name): If in Europe it is not considered slutty to "have a glass of wine then get naked" on the first date, then I am seriously considering moving to Europe.  But while I am still in "uptight" America, the answer is no.  But thanks.

(It's not that I'm above sleeping with a guy on the first date, but I don't reveal that information until the proper moment.  Duh.  Seems to me this guy is more impatient than I am uptight.)

Dear (user name): Because 7 or your 8 pictures are of your art and only one is of you, I would prefer to date your art.  Don't get mad at me, you brought this on yourself.

Dear (user name): I'm having a hard time believing you're 29.  Pictures don't like, you shouldn't either.  And if you are 29, maybe it's time to start wearing night cream?  Just a suggestion.

Dear (user name): Junior high called, it wants its glamor shots back.

Dear (user name): Despite your picture, I'm pretty sure you are not Captain Jack Sparrow.  Although, I wish you were.

Good start to the year, huh?

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