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Thursday, October 6, 2011

How To Be Sad and Pathetic: An Expert's Manual

I'm sure some of you are wondering how to deal with a broken heart.  Well, look no further.  I have the answer.  It's simple: you become sad and pathetic.  Maybe you're also wondering how to become sad and pathetic?  Just follow these steps:

Step 1:
Listen to songs that makes you cry.  Make a playlist and put it on repeat for several hours.  See if you can't cry the whole time.  My suggestions:
         1. Somewhere down the road - Barry Manilow
         2. Weekend in New England - Barry Manilow
         3. Someone Like You - Adele
         4. Glitter in the Air - Pink
         5. Here Comes Goodbye - Rascal Flatts
         6. What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts
         7. Broken Hearted Me - Anne Murray (an oldie but goodie)
         8. Look Away - Chicago (another oldie but goodie)
         9. You're Still Here - Faith Hill
         10. Let Me Let Go - Faith Hill
         11. There You'll Be - Faith Hill (she has some good tearjerkers)
         12. A Bad Goodbye - The Judds with Clint Black
         13. Is It Over Yet - The Judds
         14. A Little Fall of Rain - Les Mes
         15. Still Holding On - Martina McBride & Clint Black
         16. And Still - Reba McEntire (reminds me of my sad and pathetic high school days)
         17. What If It's You - Reba McEntire
         18. I'll Cover You (reprise) - Rent Soundtrack
         19. Still Holding Out For You - Shedaisy
         20. White Horse - Taylor Swift
         21. Just A Dream - Carrie Underwood
         22. She Can't Be Really Gone - Tim McGraw
         23. Don't Take the Girl - Tim McGraw
         24. You Don't Love Me Anymore - Tim McGraw (this one really rips your heart out)
         25. For Good - Wicked Soundtrack

(I realize the list is about 97% country songs, but ask yourself, does anyone do sad and pathetic better than country?) 

Step 2:
Watch movies that make you cry.  Preferably tragic love stories that end in death, but anything that makes you cry will do.  Just be sure to watch the movies in bed with a glass (or bottle) of wine.  My suggestions:
         1. Forrest Gump
         2. The Notebook (duh)
         3. Phenomenon
         4. Ghost
         5. Love Story
         6. Titanic (come on, you know it made you cry when it first came out)
         7. Moulin Rouge
         8. Finding Neverland
         9. My Life
         10. My Dog Skip
         11. Marley and Me (if that movie doesn't make you cry, you might be dead inside)
         12. My Girl (he can't see without his glasses on!)

And there you have it.  It's just like sweating out a fever.  Be sad and pathetic and cry out the heartbreak.