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Friday, March 22, 2013

The inevitable cat post

I am a single, divorced cat owner.  A post about my cat was inevitable.  I named her Princess Dot (after the baby ant from A Bug's Life.  A Disney character, of course), but little did I know that when I got her at 6 weeks she would fully live up to her name one day.  That day has come.

I blame myself, really.  I think it's all the organic food I feed her.  She's become so high and mighty! Sure, she'll lick the pancake batter out of an unsupervised bowl.  A stick of butter?  She'll make it her bitch.  But swat down a nice juicy fly (with the nearest towel, while wincing, swearing and gagging*) and she turns up her nose like she didn't just lick the grease off a pan left out on the stove for too long.  Oh, she'll steal a piece of chicken right off your plate, that little trash can kitty.

So line up, single men!  You've found what you were looking for!  A foul mouthed, mildly offensive, mostly inappropriate, high maintenance cat owner.  I mean the cat is high maintenance, not me.  Clearly, or I wouldn't leave so many things on the counter for that little asshole to lick and then throw up later.  Oh yeah, she's a bulimic little bitch, too!

The end.

(This post was not proof read, Deal with it.)

*I hate bugs.  All bugs.  Especially spiders.  Those evil little bastards, they can smell fear.

1 comment:

  1. Love this. I'm the same or exact opposite depending on how you look at it. A 30 something guy with 2 ex-wives, mildly offensive, and most definitely a crazy dog dude. (12 dogs running around my house/yard). I can't wait to read the next installment.