I am a single, divorced cat owner. A post about my cat was inevitable. I named her Princess Dot (after the baby ant from A Bug's Life. A Disney character, of course), but little did I know that when I got her at 6 weeks she would fully live up to her name one day. That day has come.
I blame myself, really. I think it's all the organic food I feed her. She's become so high and mighty! Sure, she'll lick the pancake batter out of an unsupervised bowl. A stick of butter? She'll make it her bitch. But swat down a nice juicy fly (with the nearest towel, while wincing, swearing and gagging*) and she turns up her nose like she didn't just lick the grease off a pan left out on the stove for too long. Oh, she'll steal a piece of chicken right off your plate, that little trash can kitty.
So line up, single men! You've found what you were looking for! A foul mouthed, mildly offensive, mostly inappropriate, high maintenance cat owner. I mean the cat is high maintenance, not me. Clearly, or I wouldn't leave so many things on the counter for that little asshole to lick and then throw up later. Oh yeah, she's a bulimic little bitch, too!
(This post was not proof read, Deal with it.)
*I hate bugs. All bugs. Especially spiders. Those evil little bastards, they can smell fear.